Fire and Ice
by XOXchaoschic
Summary: I never thought it would come to this. I stared at the noose intently,  slightly surprised that I wasn't scared; I guess I already accepted my fate.  It's time for the world to say goodbye to A. Warning BDSM and possible yaoi. i dont own death note
1. Chapter 1

**A's POV**

_Digi-journal log: 86_

_Time: 7:30 pm_

_ I found him… my little brother that is. My mother had brought him to the U.S. he is currently in New York and he's only four years old. We have the same hair and eye color. His school thinks he's depressed because he doesn't talk to anyone and won't pay attention in class. I was like that at his age; maybe he's a genius too._

_ I wonder if I should tell Watari, would he let me go back to my mom if she wanted me back? Would he let me stay in contact with her and my brother? Or would he cut me off because I'm tied for number 2 at Whammy's. That would be cold, but it's very possible. He needs some one else in case something were to happen to L. Not that I would take the job, but he doesn't know that yet._

_ Right now I'm watching Mail (his names pronounced miles btw) through a streetlight's camera. He's on the playground watching everyone else play. He must be so bored at that school. _

I paused because I heard one of my alarms go off. I turned on the cameras that I set up throughout Whammy's to find the source. I sighed in relief when I realized that it was only Mello. He was a new kid at Whammy's, around the age of six. I can't remember which at the moment. He's German and has straight blond hair that reaches his shoulders.

I minimize my digi-log and the surveillance tapes. I don't mind Mello knowing what I'm doing but that doesn't mean he should know that I have Whammy's bugged. Once I am done he flings the door open. I smirk and say, nicht deine Mutter dich lehren zu klopfen? (Didn't your mother teach you to knock?)

"Verpiß dich!" (Piss off!)

We both laugh and switch over to English. "So what's going on Mello?"

"Do you have any chocolate, Roger cut me off for the day." I rolled my eyes because that sounded like something he'd do. Roger was okay, I guess. He was a necessary authority figure for a mansion filled with homeless children. But that didn't mean we liked him. He acts like he has a twig up his ass. _He always did remind me of a troll doll…_

I open my draw and toss him a dark chocolate bar. He looks at the label for a few moments. "What you don't like green and blacks?"

"I do…I just didn't know they sold them around here."

"They don't."

"Then how did you get it?"

"Don't worry about it."

His eyes narrow at me as he snaps off a piece of a chocolate. I smile at the sound and turn back to my computer. He won't figure out that I'm a hacker, not yet at least. I made the company screw up their order. They sent me a case of dark chocolate and a case of white chocolate.

Mello sits on my bed and rests his back against the wall. He comes in here a lot. I don't mind, because it's not like when L or B comes. L always makes me feel really awkward, because he's always analyzing me. That's why I wear goggles. If he can't see my eyes I'm completely unreadable. And that's the way I like it.

I don't actually mind when B comes anymore, but when I first moved in we didn't get along. I always thought that he was too intrusive and pushy. But he understands me better than anyone else here and he relaxes me… I haven't decided if that's a good or bad thing yet, I guess I'll just have to see where that takes me.

I pull up a puzzle game from the Internet. It has 20 levels; each one has a different knot that you have to untangle. It's amusing and it'll kill some time. By the time I'm at level ten Mello has fallen asleep. I reposition him so his head is on the pillow and I pull the covers up to his chin.

About an hour later L and Watari came in. Watari is 5'9" and slightly balding. He has a sweet smile and eyes that shine. Behind him L is hunched slightly and the bags from under his eyes seem to have gotten darker. Makes sense because Watari started putting him on real cases.

Watari smiles and says "A, how are you feeling today?"

"I'm doing just fine, and before you ask the answer is no. I work alone, just as L does; I have no interest in working with him. Especially as his subordinate." Watari sighed and ran his fingers through his white hair.

L blinked twice before saying; "Watari should not force us together" in a monotone voice. Most people think that his monotone is because he has no emotions, but that's not true. He is constantly showing his emotions, he just shows them with gestures instead of expressions. I noticed it pretty quickly. His emotions are expressed by the way he blinks, tilts his head, bites his thumb, and how long he stares…

L is currently staring at Mello's sleeping form. He turns to me with a blank look and says "Why is Mello-kun sleeping in A's bed?"

I shrug and turn away because I know it bugs him when I don't answer on purpose. Watari rests his hand on my shoulder and says, "just think about it" before turning away to leave.

I pause for 2 seconds before saying "I'll do it on one condition."

L's eyes widen at this and Watari smiles thoughtfully. "I want to go talk to my mother, I found her a while ago. I also found out I have a brother. She's been hiding in the United States and she changed her name. There are things I want to ask her..."

Watari stayed quiet for a few moments before whipping out his cell phone. He double-checked that what I said was true and then turned to me. "We leave for New York tomorrow." I squealed in excitement and hugged Watari. I felt a little bad because I woke up Mello in the process but I couldn't help it, I was far too excited.

Watari squatted down so he was at my height and held my hands before saying "Are you sure you can handle this. What if she doesn't want to talk to you? What if she wants to keep you out of her life?"

I squeezed his hands and smiled. "I'm tougher than you think."

He gave me a curt nod and then left my room. Mello was groggily looking around and L stayed in his spot and tilted his head. "I did not know A wanted to find and live with her mother."

I shook my head. "L, please talk like a normal person around me. And you are correct; I don't want to live with her, at least not yet. She left me and my dad while pregnant with my little brother for some gangster."

"I don't understand."

"L, I already know why she left me. I want to meet my brother, and possibly find a way to keep in contact with him. As for my mother, I don't know if I want someone who abandoned me back in my life."

"You lied to Watari, that's wrong."

"L, technically I didn't lie, I just withheld information. Also, nothing in this world is completely good or evil, I don't know why u insist to be."

He bit his thumb thoughtfully before walking out of the room. Mello tugged at my pant leg to get my attention. When I looked at him he asked what L, ad I were talking about.

I smiled and ruffled his hair before telling him "you'll find out soon enough."

**Mail's POV**

_So bored. Why is everything so boring and uneventful. Classes are boring, my classmates are boring, even home is boring. Only a few more hours of this place, then it's to the library. I like the library, it's the only place I find people that are able to keep up with me… unfortunately they are all in college and don't want to talk to me. But I can listen to them._

_I pause for a moment to wonder if my mom is taking me home tonight of if I have to sleep in the park. The guy she's been seeing has been over our house the past few days, it hasn't been safe._

_Then again, it isn't exactly safe for me to stay with my heroin-addicted mother anyway is it?_

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed the street light camera had been angled at me. It does it at the same time every day, which means that someone is watching me. I can't understand why though. I'm just a random kid.

I ignore the camera and close my eyes thinking about the picture I found a week ago. It was of a little girl around my age. She had crimson hair and bright green eyes just like mine. In the picture my mother and some random man were holding her. They all looked so happy…

I had a couple of theories but I couldn't be sure. When I asked my mom about it she looked like she was about to cry and locked herself in her room. I felt bad because I knew I just caused her to do more heroin than she normally would that day. Since then she hasn't really talked to me. It makes me wish I never found it.

Even so something tells me I'm going to see that girl one day soon…


	2. Chapter 2

**A's POV**

I'm in New York, it just, seems so surreal. The smell of cigarette smoke is thick in the air, and every other street corner smells like roasted nuts or shish kabobs. The people are constantly moving in every which direction and the buildings are tall enough to touch the sky. It's truly breath taking.

B is sitting next to me and L is across from us. L is in his usual crouch with his eyes closed. He hates being around B. I don't really understand why though, I mean he really isn't that horrible to L. They bicker now and again, and they have gotten into a physical fight maybe twice, but it never seems that bad. But then, I had just moved in when B and L had that fight. All Watari told me was that at one time they were very close, and then they never wanted to be around each other again.

When I asked B he stated that he did feel comfortable talking about it. After that I never questioned anyone about it again, because I know that if B doesn't feel comfortable talking about it, then it MUST be bad.

Watari likes forcing us all together though. He says it'll be a good way to develop social skills. I think its because he believes that if we don't become friends with each other we wont have any at all. Which is possible, but still unlikely. I still talk with everyone in the orphanage; I even became friends with Mello, despite the age gap. B doesn't talk to the others because they are scared of him. And L…well maybe he does need some help in that department. But it still doesn't make what he's doing right.

I sighed and thought about what I was going to say to my mother. I knew why she left my father and me. I knew why she hid towards the back during his funeral. I knew that she kept my brother a secret from her lover. I also know that she ignored my other attempts to get into contact with her. _Maybe this time will work; maybe Watari can help, maybe…_

I didn't notice that the whole time my leg was vibrating. It happens when my brain races with too many thoughts. B put his hand on my leg and brought me back to reality. "If you shake anymore, you're going to make the limo shake with you."

I stared into his big red eyes; they were like flames. I felt myself still as I let myself get taken over by them. That's why I liked B; he was always able to keep me grounded. Now L had his eyes open and was watching me intently. "I thought that A was no longer having anxiety attacks." For once his voice wasn't monotone; it was concerned?

I glared at L, because the last thing I needed was for him to go and tell Watari. Back when I still wanted to be, and was number one I would constantly get anxiety attacks. I couldn't handle the pressure of it, solving cases doesn't even make me happy. Watari put me on some medication but it only made things worse. I felt like I was being suffocated when I was on the stuff, but that happens when I take any type of medication.

I remember one day he had B bring me my medication. _B walked in with a tray of my new prescription and a bottle of water, he placed the tray on my bedside table and then stared at me for a few moments. I tried to stare back at him but I was shaking so fiercely that my vision was blurred. B grabbed the pill jar and flushed all the pills down the toilet. Then he sat beside me on my bed and viciously pulled me into his arms. I remember convulsing violently and feeling hot and sweaty. But he held me so tight and he forced me to look into his eyes. I don't know how he did it, but everything slowed and I was slowly able to breathe normally again. _After that night I never needed my medication again.

B forced me to rest my head on his shoulder as he roughly played with my hair. I don't know why it relaxes me so much but I'm not going to question it. B looked L dead in the eye and said, "Did it ever occur to you that maybe she's excited to see her mom tomorrow."

I sighed and snuggled closer to B as he yanked a bit harder. He paused for a second after I did this and then resumed stroking my hair. This time much softer, which meant that he was probably deep in thought. L had already gone back to ignoring us. He was, by now, used to seeing us like this.

About 20 minutes later we all arrived at our hotel. It was called Doubletree and it was really close to Time Square. Watari always thought it was safest to be in a more crowded area. Watari had bought the master suite so we would have a lot of space.

The first thing I did was set up my laptop, and then I put away my clothes. I had just finished changing into a baggy sweatshirt and shorts when B came knocking at my door. I told him to wait a second as I finished tying my hair back into a ponytail. Once I opened the door he pushed past me without waiting for me to invite him in.

"Oh hi B, come on in. Why thank you A." I muttered sarcastically to myself. After I closed the door I saw B pacing back and forth with a jar of jam in his hand. I sighed because I knew Watari had just said something to upset him. "B?"

He stopped pacing in front of me and growled in frustration. "He's making us sleep in the same room." My eyes bulged as I thought about what he just said. This will not work. L will be dead by the end of the night; Watari is insane. I knew that he would use this trip as a way to make them friends again, but I never thought that he would be this forward. "Just calm down and-"

He grabbed me by the collar of my sweatshirt and screamed, "I am calm." I felt a shiver go through my spine as his eyes bore into mine. They were practically glowing. But then his eyes softened and he slowly released his hold on me.

With downtrodden eyes he apologized and stepped away from me. I nodded slowly and said, "I'm going to go talk to Watari."

**B's POV**

I watched her leave the room and sighed. _I thought I was getting better, I guess I was wrong…_

I growled once more and fell on her bed facing up towards the ceiling. Before Mr. Whammy found me, my life was messed up. It was filled with screams, hysteria, and torture. I used to help my dad in an insane asylum, Bedlam to be more specific. He was a scientist there… but I wouldn't call his experiments scientific, they were torture.

He always had me help him as his lab assistant; he said it would be a good use of my brain. He made me bind men down for shock therapy; he made me watch every lobotomy, and he had me shine strobe lights at his patients as he played odd music. The strobe lights and music were to make people regress to the most horrific points of their lives. It was horrible, and after a while I started enjoying it.

Watari was actually the one to get my fathers department shut down. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget that day. I was setting up the electric chair when the police had forced open he door. I dived behind the chair once I heard the crash.

My father was in the other room screaming my name like a maniac. I ignored his screams and stayed hidden behind the chair, I was too scared to move. They restrained him and proceeded in taking him away. Watari had noticed me hiding and approached cautiously. Then he asked me what my name was and why I was inside of an insane asylum.

I told him that my name was Beyond Birthday and I was the lab assistant. He must have seen something in me because he asked me to come to Whammies. I excelled in my classes but I regressed socially. I had a tendency to hurt anyone that came near me; I didn't necessarily mean to, but it was how I was raised.

But with Watari's help I was able to get better. I stopped, forcing, hitting, and biting. _Why is it that she makes me want to cause her pain? I care about her a lot, and I hate it when she's hurt, and yet… I guess I'm just going to have to face the facts, and accept that I'm a sadist._

I heard the door open and felt the bed dip to my right side. I turned m head and saw that she was sitting Indian style beside me. "What did you and Watari talk about?" I asked.

She smiled sweetly at me and said, "you are going to be sharing a room with me while we are in New York." I shot up and screamed "what?" as I stared at her wide eyed.

She giggled and said, "I simply argued my opinion and suggested an alternative solution. And as you very well know, it's pretty much impossible to argue against my reasoning skills_._"_ I can't believe what I'm hearing. Why would Watari let a boy and a girl room together, especially when we are teenagers? But then, A always had a way of having people wrapped around her finger…_

She pulled me out of my thoughts by snuggling into my body. I tensed for a second before I wove my fingers through her soft hair. She sighed contently and hummed softly to herself. I looked down at her body it was so relaxed; I don't understand how she could be so relaxed around someone like me. I noticed that the numbers above her head had changed again. _I wonder when they'll stop changing…_

We stayed like that for a while in a comfortable silence. "…B?" she asked while tracing circles into my stomach. The sensation felt nice, but it was nice in a way that I'm sure she hadn't realized. A is far too innocent to be that bold, she is only 14.

"What is it?" I looked into her eyes, which were surprisingly unmasked by her goggles. They were big and they sparkled like emeralds, it's a shame that she always covers them up.

"I want to sleep, so do u mind crashing on the couch now?"

I smiled and yanked her hair one last time before saying "sure thing." As a response she gasped and then smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own death note. I didn't own it in the first two chapters either; it just wont let me fix it.**

**Mail's POV**

_It's nice to be back in my own room again_, I thought as I searched under my bed for my Gameboy DS. I did a victory dance when I found it and proceeded in turning on Legend of Zelda. I had just got to the final boss of that level when the doorbell rang. I sighed and answered the door without taking my eyes off of my game. I had memorized the layout of the house from its creaky floorboards to its moldy walls.

There were two people on the other side of the door. One was a tall old man, his hair was starting to gray and thin out but he seemed to be one of those sweet old men. Not like the cranky, old guy that lives next door. _I hate that guy._ The other was a girl, probably around 13 or 14 years old; she had red hair and big orange goggles over her eyes. It made her look kind of look like a bug. You know, how those really big circle sunglasses do? Actually now that I think about it she seemed familiar…

"Do I know you?" I asked without looking up from my game. Incase you haven't realized I can split my attention completely between multiple things without missing anything. Multi-tasking has always been easy for me. I don't understand how the other kids from my school can't do it. I mean, its ridiculously simple. The girl was the one who decided to answer me.

"No, sadly we've never met, but I know your mother. Is she home?" I sighed and yelled "MOM!" as loud as I could. She appeared a few seconds later.

"Who's at the door Mail—no it can't be." I noticed that the girl had taken off her goggles. She had big green eyes and they looked like they were about to cry. I heard her whisper mom before running past me and hugging my mother. My mom had also started crying and hugged the girl tightly.

Okay now I am thoroughly confused, I mean last time I checked I didn't have a big sister. I shut my game without saving, and folded my arms over my chest. "Is somebody going to explain to me what's going on?" _This better be good. I didn't save my game and now I'm going to have to restart that whole level. They will pay if I did this for a pointless reason._

My mom wiped her eyes and apologized to me before she walked over to the kitchen table so we could all talk. We all sat at table in an uncomfortable silence before the old man decided to speak. _I have a feeling that this is going to be a long and awkward day._ "Miss Jeevas, my name is Quilish Whammy. I run an orphanage for gifted children in Winchester, your daughter Amalya is one of the children there. I'm not really sure how she found you but she wishes to discuss some things with you and-"

My mom raised her hand and cut him off. "I know where this conversation is going, and I think this is something for me and my daughter to talk about in private. Mail please talk with Mr. Whammy until we return."

I tried to protest but she wouldn't budge. It's not fair I want to be included in the conversation too. I watched as my mom and Amalya went into my mother's room and shut the door. I turned to look at the old guy and he was smiling at me expectantly. _Oh god, I really hope he doesn't try to tell me an old war story like my neighbor usually does…_

**A's POV**

My mom closed her bedroom door and gestured for me to sit down on the bed. "She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, it's not as red as I remembered, now its looks brownish. Everything else about her is the same though.

The room was nice. It had white walls and pink curtains. Her dressers were a dark mahogany color, the kind with red-ish hue to it. On her dresser was an old crumbled picture of her, my dad, and I. I smiled because I didn't think she kept any pictures. She looked at me and said, "Stop smiling. You really shouldn't be here, if Ryan found out…"

I took a deep breath and asked her my first question "Your job wanted you to infiltrate his gang right? But you got in to deep and couldn't get out. Then you slipped and you told him about me. He wanted to use me for his gang didn't he? He realized how smart I was and that I knew how to hack. That's the real reason why you and dad separated, to protect me?"

She nodded angrily and said, "Yes that's the reason, but if you already know that why are you here? I worked so damn hard to keep you hidden and now your risking everything just for a visit. Amalya Jeevas I know I raised you to be smarter than this."

I shook my head and tried to stop the shaking from starting. I needed to stay calm. Having a panic attack or crying here wont help anything. "I didn't come for a visit, I wanted to help. Watari has a lot of influence in the world he can keep you and Mail hidden. You would never have to worry about Ryan finding Mail or me. I know you're scared that he'll try to use him like he tried to use me, like he uses you. But maybe with Watari's help you can stop living like this. And then, after some time passes and we get reacquainted, maybe be a family again."

She paused for a few moments deep in thought. "This orphanage that you're living at, is it safe? Is there absolutely no way of him finding you?"

"Yes of coarse, there's no place safer. They even make us use aliases when we arrive, why do you ask?"

She nodded like she had just made an important decision and then looked me dead in the eyes. "I want you to take Mail with you when you go back, Amalya don't interrupt me this is important. Ryan doesn't know about Mail yet and I want to keep it that way. But he's never going to let me leave unless I'm dead. Now I know how to fake my own suicide, I've been planning it for a while, but I need to make sure Mail is safe. Can you do that for me? Can you protect your little brother?"

I took a deep breath and held back my tears. _This plan wouldn't work. It's impossible to fake your own suicide. Someone will find out. Also what if she messed up and hurt herself, or killed herself for real? There were far too many risk factors._

"Amalya answer the question, can you do this for me?"

I closed my eyes and nodded. I waited a few moments before I asked, "How are you going to do it? If I'm going to do this then I want to know. I also have some other questions that I have been meaning to ask you. There are still things in my life that I'm confused about. Things I need answers to."

She scanned her eyes over me before saying, "This doesn't leave this room; do you understand me?"

"Yes."

* * *

okay so Mail and Amalya finally meet. I left out some information purposefully because it comes in later. So question, how do you think Mrs. Jeevas will kill herself? i hope you liked the chapter =)


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own death note.**

**Mail's POV**

_Well this is awkward. I'm on a private jet with my long lost sister on my way to Winchester, England. Across from us are the creepy twins, who according to Amalya aren't really related. It doesn't really make any sense, the only real difference between them is their personalities and their eye colors. I mean what the fuck? _

_Both of them keep staring at me, its really creepy. I hate it when people stare at me; it's always made me feel uncomfortable._ "Hey Am-"

"Matt! You can't all me by my real name."

I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes at her. "Well I'm not calling you 'A,' you're a person, not a fucking robot. And I don't see why I can't be called by my real name."

She sighed and started bobbing her leg up and down. "Actually I'm so fluent in technology that I might as well be a robot, and the false names are a safety precaution. Everyone has one at Whammy's for one reason or another. Also please don't curse, I don't need Roger to bitch at me because of your potty mouth."

I arched my eyebrow at her in a way that said really?

She smiled and said, "Don't give me that look. I'm a teenager I'm old enough to curse."

The one with the red eyes snickered and started slurping on some jam. I rolled my eyes and said, "A precaution against what exactly?"

"You'd be surprised how much you can find out about a person by just knowing their name. It would be bad for people to find out your personal information, because they can use it against you. Besides, mom agrees that we should use fake names, so you are going to have to deal with it."

I mumbled fine and pulled out my game boy. This time I was playing Pokémon Soul Silver. I love this game; they made it so much better than the previous ones. If you haven't tried it yet I highly recommend it. Plus it has a poke-walker so you can play even when you're not playing, which is awesome.

The one with the red eyes, Amalya said his name was B, had stopped staring at me. Now his attention was being divided between watching Amalya and eating a jar of strawberry jam that I mentioned earlier. _And let me just say that he eats jam fucking weird. He shoves his whole hand in the damn jar and then sucks the jam off of it. It's really disgusting. Also how the fuck does he fit his whole hand in that tiny ass jar? I mean his hands are big, not gorilla big, but they should still be too large to fit in your average jam jar._

_Also, I'm not sure if I like the way he's looking at my sister. It wasn't a mean look, but it didn't really sit well with me. The look was almost, hungry? Or maybe its just because he isn't full from the jam yet? I don't know, either way its odd._

_The other one won't stop staring at me though, it's weird. Like weirder than the one with the jam. I mean I'm just playing a videogame. How damn interesting could I be to stare at? I'd understand if he was watching the game, but he's not. His stare made me feel exposed, like I would never be able to hide things from him. I didn't like that because to be honest, I'm antisocial. Antisocial people don't do well with being the center of attention._

I guess my sister noticed my discomfort, because she took off her big orange goggles and held them out to me. I looked them over for a few moments before adjusting the strap and sliding them over my eyes. It felt good wearing the goggles, it was kind of like using the Repel from Pokémon. They could still see me but they wouldn't attack. _Perhaps that's why I see her wearing them? I wonder if she's just giving them to me for now or if they are a gift._ _I hope I get to keep them, I like the world being tinted orange. It looks cool._

She smiled at me and buried herself into her laptop. The screen instantly filled with 1's and 0's and her fingers were flying across the keyboard rapidly. I remembered reading about this once. It's the language for computer code, I think it's called binary. Supposedly it's very hard to learn. I looked up from the computer screen and noticed that the creepy twins were in shock. _I guess she never takes her goggles off._

The rest of the plane ride went by okay; nothing else was really all that eventful. I'm currently waiting for Amalya in what's going to be my new room, and yes I'm still playing Pokémon. I apparently have a roommate named Mello. She warned me that he was a hothead, and that he isn't good with new people. _This should be interesting._

**Mello's POV**

_Stupid Rodger, I can't believe he gave me a detention for that. I didn't even mean to insult Linda. All I said was that her pigtails made her face look rounder. I never said that she was fat. The whiney little brat didn't have to run to Rodger, and get me in trouble. Girls are so stupid. _

I whipped my door opened so it swung and slammed into the wall. I wasn't worried about breaking the wall because there was already a hole in it from the doorknob. I froze in momentary shock because there was kid on the bed opposite to mine. No one is stupid enough to enter my room; this kid must be new.

He was on lying on his back with his head hanging off the bed. His long red hair hung downward and just barely skimmed the floor. His attention seemed to be fully absorbed by the handheld game that he was playing. I think he knew I was there though, because the second I started glaring at him he began to smirk. "Hey kid, I don't know who told you that you could play in here but get out of my room!"

His smirk broadened but he didn't move. "Hey! Did you hear me? I said leave!"

He rolled onto his stomach and continued ignoring me_. It was so frustrating. Most people were scared of me, but this kid? He barely notices me. Well I'm going to have to change that. He needs to learn how things work around here._ I plucked the game from his hands and held it in the air mockingly.

He got up very calmly and pushed his pair of orange goggles onto his forehead. _That's interesting; they look exactly like A's goggles. Actually, this kid could pass for her brother._ His green eyes pierced mine and he told me to give back his game. He didn't scream it or demand it; he said it with no emotion at all. For the first time since I came to Whammy's I was actually scared. I wasn't going to show it of coarse, but I was.

I smiled and said, "Leave my room and I'll give you your game back."

Now the kid was starting to get annoyed. He obviously cared about this thing very much. "It's my room now too, and I was told to stay here for the time being. Now this is the last time I'm going to ask you, please give me back my game boy."

Even though his body and voice were calm his eyes weren't. They seemed to be glowing with anger and determination. There wasn't the slightest bit of fear in them. _This kid was ballsy, making demands in MY room, and claiming that he lived in MY room._

So I did what anyone would do, I chucked his game at the wall behind him. His eyes bulged when it hit the wall. I simply smiled and said "oops." For a moment he didn't do anything, he just stayed deathly still for about 3 seconds.

Then he lunged at me and started punching me in the stomach. I thrashed around and hit him anywhere I could reach. I rolled us over and started punching his face. I punched him repeated but he just ate the punches, and continued punch my gut. At some point A ripped us apart.

Let me just say she did not look happy. A isn't known for being angry but when she is, its never pretty. I've never seen it but I heard stories. Apparently when she's pissed, it's worse than when B gets in one of his moods. "Should I introduce you two or is everyone already acquainted?"

We both mumbled sorry and the ginger kid walked over to the other side of the room to retrieve his game boy. He looked it over and sighed at the cracked screen. A took the destroyed game from him and told him that she'd have it fixed by tomorrow.

Then she turned to me and said, "Mello this is my little brother Matt, he is going to be your new roommate whether you like it or not. Please try to be civil towards him. Also, you really shouldn't treat technology this way; it's expensive."

The ginger kid, I mean Matt, was smiling wickedly at me. _I swear its like this kid is trying to tick me off. _Thankfully A wiped the smile off his face quickly. "And you shouldn't instigate him."

He faked a shocked innocent face and said "who me?"

She rolled her eyes and said, "Yes you. Now come on I need you to take a placement exam."

She dragged him out of my room and left me to my thoughts. _That kid wasn't to bad of a fighter. Most kids would have curled into a ball to protect their face when I hit them. Why didn't he? Doesn't he have any sense of self-preservation? _

…_I guess I don't mind letting him stay in my room. He was kind of fun._


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own death note.**

**A's POV**

I walked down the deserted left wing wearing a pair of big sunglasses. My goggles are currently with Mail. I was going to take them back but he looked so happy with them. Besides it's probably about time for me to wean myself off of my crutch. I paused in front of the last door and took a deep breath before knocking.

Today was going to be the first day that I worked with L. I'm not really sure how it's going to go but I'm nervous. B wasn't very happy when I told him about it. If I didn't know him better I'd say he was jealous. But B never acted the way everyone else did, so I doubt that he's jealous.

If anything he probably feels betrayed. I really hope he doesn't think this is going to make me like L more than him. I'm not even sure if that's possible to be honest. I sighed when L opened the door and blinked once before turning away from me sitting in a chair at the far side of the room.

Truth be told, I've never actually been inside of L's room. It's interesting; it doesn't look the way I thought it would. I imagined it to be completely bare and have nothing but a bed. I expected it to give off a sterile aura. I thought that it would be completely white, and have a sterile aura to it. That was not the case.

To my surprise the room was filled with various shades of blues and greens. There were many chairs and couches surrounding a coffee table. I smiled softly to myself and reminded myself that I really should stop making so many assumptions. "Where should I sit?"

He motioned to the chair across from him without saying a word. He was too busy reading over papers. I sat down and waited for his instructions because honestly, I had no idea why L needed my help. Without looking up from his papers he asked, "How skilled are you at hacking?"

I chose my words carefully because didn't know if he was referring to the standard stuff they taught at Whammy's or the illegal stuff that I do. "I am skilled enough, why do you ask?"

He gave me his I know your half lying look and sighed. "I need to catch a hacker, a good one. He keeps hacking into banks world wide and messing with their systems. I believe that he will soon try to have the banks print more money than needed and have the world go into inflation. Now I'm going to ask you again, how good are you at hacking?"

I smiled and pulled my laptop out of my bag. "I'm better than him. What name does he go by?"

"I believe his account is Splicer900."

I nodded as I connected a bunch of hardware to my computer. They are all devices that I built myself, their purpose, to protect my computer. Once everything was booted up I logged on and got to work. It wasn't very hard to find him, but he was pretty well protected. No as much as me, but I can see how L had a hard time on his own. "Do you want me to ask him to stop, get evidence, or crash his computer?"

He bit his thumb and thought about it for a few minutes. "Gather the evidence and try to stay undetected. Once you have enough, ask him to stop. If he says no, crash it."

I smiled because I might have the opportunity to try my new toy. If it works it will melt his hard drive and destroy everything inside the computer. But I wont tell L that, because he probably wont let me use it. Sometimes he can be a real killjoy.

I searched the outer walls of his system for a break, or a back door. No system is perfect, so everyone has at least one. Once I got past his firewall I began sifting though his files.

_Damn this guy downloads a lot of crap. I mean it's really weird for a person to have stuff like this on his hacking computer. It could just be decoy information but even that's unlikely. Actually now that I think of it, these kind of files shouldn't be taking up this much space. The file sizes should be much smaller. Unless…_

My eyes bulged and I typed faster than I ever did in my life. I only had a few seconds to back out of his system before I was screwed. I sighed in relief once I knew my computer was safe, but I wasn't convinced that he was finished so I left my fingers hovering over my keyboard.

If this guy is as good as I think he is, then he's going to try to hack my computer. A lot of hackers do it, because we are paranoid by nature. The only way to ensure our safety is to destroy the enemy. A few seconds later my computers alarms starting going off. I typed in my kill code and said "Bye bitch."

All the machines I connected to my computer came to life and made loud humming noises. It caused L to look up from him papers, he said something but I wasn't paying attention. I was more focused on what my programs were doing. My alarms came to a stop and whatever virus he sent me was destroyed.

I smiled because now my new toy was working just like I knew it would. It followed the virus back to its source and began to melt the hard drive. A little window popped up on my screen that said kill complete, my toy works. _I really should name it…_

L was now looking over my shoulder and biting his thumb. _Uh oh I'm probably going to get in trouble for this._

**L's POV**

_A is better than I had calculated._ I bit my thumb thoughtfully looking at her. She looked back at me with a worried expression. "What did you do?"

She turned away from me and began downing a systems check of her computer. Once it started up she said, "I melted his hard drive. Well actually I melted his decoy hard drive. He's better than I thought, but I'm still better."

I blinked twice in confusion. _Decoy?_ "What does A mean by decoy hard drive?"

"He built a computer for his computer. I had made the same thing a few years back, that's how I recognized it. Basically the computer I hacked is just one big virus, it not only protects his actual computer but he probably uses it mess up the banking systems. The real computer is probably something small and it controls the decoy one. It would be something that you wouldn't expect to be used because of its impracticality. Maybe something like an ipad?"

My eyes widened at this. That would be truly remarkable if that were what he's doing. It's completely unheard of, but defiantly probable. I was considering my options when Watari entered the room with a tray hold a piece of strawberry shortcake and a piece of chocolate pudding pie.

A lunged for her pudding pie, while I calmly took my piece of strawberry shortcake. A loved pudding as much as B loved jam and I loved sweets. We all have our little quirks. Watari ask how the case was going. I thanked him for the snack before saying, "It is going well, and A is a very useful partner."

He smiled and nodded before turning to A. "A, I need to speak with you and Matt. Please bring him to my office when you are done eating."

She gave him a thumbs up and went back to inhaling he pudding. I bit my thumb thoughtfully wondering why Watari needed to talk with them_. Maybe Matt is as smart as A was. He might even be smarter than Mello. It would make sense genetically speaking; after all if A is brilliant he should be as well. I wonder if that means he is also prone to anxiety attacks? Still I doubt that's it, Watari seemed a bit off when he came in here… what could it be?_

I looked up and noticed that A was staring at me. Even if her eyes are covered I can still feel her stare. When she had my attention she asked "Is something wrong?"

I shook my head and went back to my cake.

* * *

A/N: sorry this one took longer to post. i've been a little busy lately. don't kill me about the computer/hacker stuff if its not accurate because i honestly dont know much about it. I hope you liked it. =D


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own death note.**

**Mail's POV**

_Life here at Whammy's isn't that bad; I'm not sure I can truly judge it because its only been five days, but I still believe its decent. It's definitely better than living with my mom. I don't blame her though; she has a lot to deal with. I hope I get to see her soon. Maybe that's why Watari wanted us to come to his office?_

I looked over at my sister; she was staring out of the window. I feel like she's waiting for something to come but I'm not really sure what it is. She's wearing a pair of big black sunglasses; she has been ever since she gave me her goggles. Last night I tried to give them back but she wouldn't let me. She said they suited me better, whatever that means.

I'm slowly learning that my sister and me are very similar. For example we both love videogames, we both have photogenic memories, we can divide our attention between 12 things at once, and both our bodies reject man-made medicines. The last one is because of our mom, because she only used herbal healing. She believes it's healthier. Though Amalya confessed that she didn't know that was the reason until mom recently told her.

We also discussed this whole alias thing again, because honestly, I think A is a horrible fucking name. _Hell it's not even a name it's a letter._ For now on I am allowed to call her Amy, which is short for **Am**al**y**a. In my opinion, the name fits her so much better.

She also agreed that we could use our real names so long as we are alone and no one ever finds out. I'm really happy about that because I like being Mail Jeevas. Also, I find it funny how her name has mail* in it too (its pronounced A-mail-ya incase you never realized)_…maybe mom had a thing for mailmen?_

I felt myself smirking at that last thought. _Maybe I'll run that theory by Amalya later, she'll probably find it funny. _

Watari enters the room with a folder and various papers in hand. Once he sits down Amalya grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. I'm not sure why she does this but I feel myself let out a breathe I didn't know I was holding in. Watari gives both of us a sparkly eyed grin before opening the folder.

"Well Matt I must say you are very smart for your age, you scored just below Mello. This means that you are the second smartest for your age group." I glance at my sister; she has a big smile on her face like she's proud of me. It makes me feel good because my mom never smiled at me like that. There was always a small bit of fear in every one of her smiles. _I don't know why, maybe Amalya does…_

"You should be really proud of yourself Matt, that isn't an easy thing to accomplish here. Now I'm afraid I have some bad news for the two of you. Roger got a phone call today from the NYPD; they said that your mother had hung herself. She died at 1 am last night. I am so sorry for you both."

I felt my heart stop. _My mom can't be dead, I just saw her less than a week ago. She didn't seem depressed or anything._ I looked over at Amalya; she seemed perfectly calm. The news didn't ever faze her. _Why the fuck is she so calm? Our mom is dead for Christ sakes!_

Amalya took off her sunglasses and folded them neatly in her lap. Then she looked Watari dead in the eyes and said, "Was there a suicide note?"

Watari seems to be just as flabbergasted by her actions as I was because his speech actually began to stutter. "A- ah- well- oh- yes- yes there was a letter. It- uh- said 'Amalya I'll see you in heaven.' A do you know what this means?"

She shrugged and said she didn't. _But I can't believe that, there's no way in hell for her to be this calm without her knowing something. I'm sure of it. And I'm going to find out what it is, no matter what._

Watari started fixing the papers in his stack and said, "Right- well- your flight for New York will leave late tonight so you can be there for the funeral and-"

"No." Amalya had stood up and was putting back on her sunglasses. "Matt and I are not going to that funeral. Cancel the flight."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. _How could she be so heartless? This was our mother's funeral for god sakes! She must be in shock or something, that's the only thing that could explain this odd behavior. _"BUT AMY!"

She turned to me, and though I couldn't see her eyes, I still felt her glare. "Mail Jeevas I said no! It is far too dangerous. Watari will you please excuse us I need to speak to my brother alone in my room."

Watari's gaze wavered between us before saying "Okay you both of you may go."

I followed Amalya back to her room, but I really didn't want to. To be honest I feel angry and hurt. I mean how could my own sister be so heartless? I sat on her bed and she locked her bedroom door. Then she looked at me and grabbed my hands. "I'm sorry about that Mail, but I couldn't let Watari know what I'm about to tell you."

"What are you talking about Amalya?"

"Our mom isn't dead, our mom faked her own suicide."

_What. The. Fuck?_

**A's POV**

I stared through my old goggles into my little brothers eyes. So many emotions were passing through them. He seemed so lost and confused. It made me feel horrible that I hurt him so much, but I knew it was necessary. And once I explain everything to him he'll agree.

I'm a firm believer in telling kids everything. Children, no matter how young, are able to comprehend complicated situations. I wish my mom realized this when I was younger and told me everything. Maybe then things would be different. Even so, that's in the past, there's nothing I can do about it. I can however tell Mail everything, and I intend to. Because he deserves the truth, even if my mom doesn't want me to tell him it. "Mail did you hear me?"

He glared and threw my old goggles to the floor before turning away from me. "You know Amalya it's mean to lie to someone who's going through something traumatic. I get that your upset with her because she left you, but that doesn't mean you can make me believe the same thing. The NYPD aren't that stupid, I think they can tell when a person is alive or not. Why are you lying to me?"

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair silently wishing Beyond was with me. Everything just seemed to be easier with him, well almost everything. He's been a bit distant recently. "I'm not lying to you. Our mom used to work for the FBI, she was one of the best undercover agents they had. One day she was asked to infiltrate this gang and kill the leader. It was supposed to be a simple job, but life had other plans. The leader, Ryan, he took a liking to her…"

Mail was quiet for a few moments before speaking. "I know that man, mom was always scared of him. She said whenever he comes I have to disappear. She said it wasn't safe..."

I nodded my head. "She's right, you weren't safe there. You see Ryan found out everything about her and held her hostage. So my mom sent my father and me away. She was worried that Ryan would try to use us or hurt us. She was pregnant with you when it happened."

"Now I don't know how she hid the pregnancy from him, but my guess is that she faked having mono or something of that nature. She kept you a secret because she knew your would be smart like I was. When I came, she saw it as her last sliver of hope. She told me I had to take you with me and hide you away, so I did."

"She knew the only way she could escape Ryan was through death. So that's what she did. She notified a work colleague, and he told the NYPD what was going on. Once she knew you were safe she hung herself. Now that wasn't any suicide note. It was a coded message. Ryan thinks me and my father passed away so when he reads it he'll just think the meaning is literal. It really means that her plan worked and she would find a way to contact and meet with us later."

I took a deep breathe before continuing, Mail was now facing me and listening intently. It was almost as if I was answering all the questions that he wanted to know, and yet causing new ones at the same time. "Now she didn't tell me the specifics of how she did it. But supposedly she created something that slows down her heartbeat and breathing so much that it appears that she is dead. Also she found a way to hang herself in a way that distributes the weight more evenly while keeping the neck intact. I'm a bit skeptical of this myself but I'm going to look into it."

He paused before saying, "How will we know for sure that she's not dead?"

"We will hear from her in exactly 30 days. No sooner; or later." I thought back to my last conversation with my mom. She was so stressed out by the situation that she had pulled out a pack of cigarettes and offered me one. I told her no, but I did try some of hers. My lungs rejected it instantly and I went into a coughing fit. For me the coughing wasn't worth the relaxation I got from the nicotine. It may work for her anxiety but it didn't work for mine.

_I'll have to watch out for Mail because its very likely that he'll try it one day and like it. Most kids who have parents who smoke do too._

I saw a few tears rolled down Mail's cheeks and I pulled him into a hug. He stiffened at first but then he wrapped his arms around me. His voice was a bit muffled by crying when he asked why our mom didn't tell him herself. I held him tighter and pretended not to hear his question. I didn't want to confess to Mail that I didn't know the answer. I didn't want to let him down. _I hope that this is the last time I ever let him down._

_

* * *

_Ok so there's chapter 6, I hope you liked it. You finally learn the story behind A's mother. I hope you enjoyed hearing Matt's POV again. He will probably take over the story more frequently as the chapters progress. For the upcoming chapters, remember that the apples don't fall far from their trees. Xp


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own death note.**

**A's POV**

It's been a week since I told Mail everything about our mom. He seems to be doing better. He started classes yesterday, and by my request he's in all of Mello's classes. They haven't had any problems since the first day so I figured that it was okay. If I didn't know better I'd say they were starting to become friends.

Even though I told him our mom wouldn't contact us for a month he still comes into my room at 12am with hopeful eyes. And every night I have to shake my head and tell him that mom didn't try to contact us. It kills me to have to tell him that every night. To have to crush his hopes every night. But I'll do it because I made a promise to never lie to him.

Thankfully not everything is going bad; L and I had just finished up our first case about three days ago. I ended up tracking the guy through his cell phone. His name was Carl Etchingson, and he was sentenced to 20 years in prison. L was happy that justice was served and I was glad to have free time again. I haven't talked to L since the case ended. Its fine he'll come and find me when he needs help, unlike B.

B hasn't talked to me since I took that case with L… At first I thought he was caught up in his own head, that happens every once in a while. But he has never ignored me for this long. It's not good because my attacks are coming back and I don't know how to stop them.

I had asked my mom about them. She said no medicine would ever fix it; I need to find something that calms my soul, for her it was being in life threatening situations. That's why she became an agent and why started doing drugs.

_I know it's selfish of me to use him like that, and I know that he won't be with me forever. But he's the only one that calms the shaking; I need him._ I felt myself go rigid at that thought, because it was the first time since I was little that I admitted that I needed help. I haven't asked anyone for help since I was eight years old, I'm not sure if I even know how anymore.

My heartbeat begins to thud loudly in my ears. I run my fingers through my hair and look for my water bottle. With shaky hands I snatch it from the end table and I drink it as if I haven't had water in years. Its icy cold and burns down my throat. After I finish it I take a deep breath and try to clutch my sides.

_I feel it coming, it's happening again. There's a white spot in my vision and it's slowly getting bigger and bigger, it's swallowing up everything. I think I can feel my hands shaking but I can't stop them, dear god why can't I stop them? I can't remember how to take control of my body and my brain is killing me._ My breathing is becoming rigid, and I'm trying to keep it steady but my tongue keeps shooting to the back of my throat_. Its- I – if- need to stop- or I'll choke. M- meh- my arms aren't wok- orking. Help. Suh- ne, lp. _

**B's POV**

_Stupid, I'm so fucking stupid! Why do I always cause pain? What's wrong with me? Even if I stay away from people I still hurt them. This is my fault that she had a seizure. If I weren't so self-absorbed then this would have never happened. She has every right to hang out with whomever she wants._

_Pain, she must have been in so much pain… I bet she looked beautiful-no! Why do I think this way? I must be diseased! Everyone thinks I am! My father did, Watari does, _L… I HATE L! _I should stop fighting it. I should accept that I'm a monster and embrace it… that is what everyone wants; isn't it?_

"Mail, where's Mail?" I looked over at A. Watari and Rodger are talking to her and trying to jog her memory. A common side effect of having a seizure is temporary memory loss afterwards. It comes back in pieces.

I watched as Matt ran into the room to his sister's side crying hysterically. _He probably thought he was going to lose her too._ I watched as relief started to was over Watari's and Rodger's faces. I think that they are afraid that one day her memories wont come back. Which is stupid because A is too strong to let anything beat her for long.

L was pretending to watch everyone else, but I know he's staring at me. _He's waiting for me to snap. He's ALWAYS waiting for me to mess up. That way he can gloat._ I turned and glared at him. "What do you want from me now raven boy?"

He blinked twice before saying, "Are you enjoying this?"

_Did he really just ask me that? Does he really believe that I find watching her try to remember everything fun? I bet he thinks I stayed away from her hoping that this would happen. He thinks the only thing that I'm truly capable of is torture. _

_This is why you should never tell people about your past. They'll use it against you and hang it over your head. I wont make that mistake again; never again will I talk about my life before Whammies. I really hate L Lawliet._

I felt anger pool up inside of me. I didn't think about it, I just acted on instinct. I punched L right in the eye. He stumbled backwards and howled in pain. I walked out the room before anyone could react.

"You wanted a monster, well now you have one."

* * *

ok i know this chapter is shorter than the others but i felt like I had hit a point where i needed to stop. but now you have seen A have seizure and you know why L and B hate each other. i hope you liked it!


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own death note.**

**A's POV**

_I can't believe I actually had a seizure! And so close to the day mom is supposed to contact us. I can't believe it. Contacting her is going to be so much harder now. I need to find a way to convince Watari that I don't need him to randomly check up on me anymore. If I don't he can find out that she's not dead, and then who knows what will happen._

_ Maybe I can convince him to have Mail check up on me for now on. That way if he gets caught sneaking to my room again like last night he can lie and say he's doing a random check up. It might work, though Watari might argue that he's too young to handle a responsibility like that._

I rolled my eyes. Genius or not people will always have the same perception of age. If you are too young, you're still incompetent. If you're too old, then you have lost your usefulness. _What a foolish way for the world to work._

I heard a faint click from behind me. I cocked my head to the right and watched the door open about an inch. _I see he's sending L because he no longer thinks B is stabile._

In past incidences, Watari would send B. He knows that I feel more comfortable around him then around L. Now Watari doesn't care whom I feel more comfortable around, he refuses to let me be around B as long as I'm "unsound."

"L if you must check on me don't do it as if I'm under a microscope. It pisses me off."

L opened the door all the way and shuffled into my room. I noticed that one of his eyes was still encircled by a purple bruise, courtesy of B. I mentally smiled at it because I thought L deserved it; B doesn't really want me to suffer.

His thumb was hanging from his lips, which meant he had something on his mind. I gave him a bored stare and waited for him to speak. He asked if he could sit down and I motioned toward my bed. It reminded me that I should probably get more furniture for people to sit on. _I should change that._

"I didn't come because Watari asked me too, I came because I wish to speak with you about something; something very important. I know that eventually you will not listen to Watari and you will go looking for B, but I'm begging you not to."

I glared at him because he had no right to tell or even ask me not to hang out with B. L and I are barely friends. "I'm sorry L but I cannot comply with your request."

L's grip on his knees tightened and he glared back at me. "Please listen to me, B is a monster. He has done horrible things to people in the past; I'm worried that he will one day hurt you. You may not care about me very much, but I do care about you."

I felt my eyes widen at his confession. Before I could stop myself I asked him why. His face reddened in response. _Is he…blushing?_

"I, I'm not really sure. I just feel compelled to do to. I can't explain it. I just don't want you to get hurt."

I smiled despite myself because deep down I knew L wasn't saying this because he and B are fighting. He came because he really was worried about me. Also I was glad he was gaining some human emotions. "While it's very sweet of you to be so concerned about me, there is no reason to be. I'm perfectly safe around B. As for his past, I believe that a person's past doesn't define them. It only helps a person choose who they want to become."

L bit his thumb before responding. "Not all people can change A, some people are just destined to remain bad."

I sighed, shook my head, and made my way to the door. "L, do you believe the world is black and white or do you believe there is also a grey area? And if you do believe in a grey area, home many shades of grey do you believe there are?"

He blinked twice and stated, "I used to believe that the world was black and white, however I am not sure anymore."

"That's a pity. Let me know when you figure it out." I walked out of the room and left L behind with his thoughts. I was going to wait longer before looking for B, but my talk with L made me realize something. I still had to test B to see if my theories are correct about him.

**B's POV**

_What a pretty blade. So shiny; so sharp. Imagine how many things you can make bleed rubies? _

I jumped slightly at the sound of someone knocking on the door. _Now who is stupid enough to come calling for me?_ "Go away!"

The door opened anyway and A stepped inside and quietly shut the door behind her. She leaned against the door and stared at me for about five seconds before taking off her sunglasses and tossing them on my bed. "Do you mind if I stay here for a while?"

I tried to not focus on her eyes because I knew I wouldn't be able to say no if I did. "Actually I do mind, now will you go? I want to be alone right now."

She ignored what said and didn't move; instead her eyes scanned my body. It made me feel caged and agitated. After what felt like forever she asked, "What are you going to do with that knife?"

I growled and stroked the sharp side of the blade. "Nothing that concerns you, now leave!"

She folded her arms and gave me a defiant look. "No."

I felt my jaw drop, but I quickly recomposed myself. I pointed the blade at her and gave her the scary look I could muster. "Damn it A, if you don't leave right now ill-"

"You'll what? Come on B you and I both know that you would never do anything to truly hurt me! You're not going to cut me with that blade. You-"

I cut her off midstream by slamming my body against hers and pushed my knife against her neck. Though I did want to cut through her skin I restrained myself. Because deep down I knew she was right. Even if she was provoking me, I could never do it.

Her eyes bore into mine. There was no fear in them; they were completely calm. It fascinated and confused me at the same time. _If I had done this to any other person there would be fear, hysteria, and nervousness. With her she is calm, no matter what I do, she is always calm. Why?_

Then she did something I never thought she'd do; she pushed her neck slightly into the blade. Even though threw the knife to the ground immediately after, a small slither of blood began to trickle down her neck. I stared in awe as she smiled and closed her eyes for a moment. "See you're not a monster, if you were you would have cut me. Stop pretending to be one, since when do you care about what others think of you? Especially L, of all people! I thought you were stronger than that."

I stepped away from her and grabbed the tissue box from my desk. She took a few tissues and pressed them against her cut. _A truly is incredible at sometimes. I've always known that she was very adept at profiling; it's the reason why she is so persuasive. But I never thought that she'd be able to read me like an open book. I underestimated her again._ "If I am not a monster then why is everyone afraid of me? Why does everyone think that one day I'm going to snap and start hurting people?"

She shook her head and smiled at me. "They think that because you think that. You are very paranoid; you assume that everyone is against you. You believe that you have to beat some invisible enemy, because if you don't, then it will control and dominate you. And you have a personality that refuses to lose, that can't stand to be dominated. You my dear friend are a sadist."

"If I am a sadist, why do you want to be around me? Aren't you worried that I will hurt you to get myself off?"

Her smile morphed into a smirk and her eyes began to dance with amusement. "I am not worried because feelings of fear and anxiety clears my mind. The feeling of pains can both relax and excite me depending on the situation. I am a masochist, you and I are simply meant to be together."

"You came here just to tell me that?"

"Yes and no.

I thought back to all the times I had physically hurt A; I realized that every time I did it, she smiled. Everything started to click into place. When I came out of my thoughts she was no longer against my door, instead she was in my bed. She was still watching me though. I felt my right eyebrow rise as I sarcastically said, "Comfy?"

"Mhm."

"Are you sure you want to start hanging around me constantly A? I can be quite possessive."

She laughed and said "That's ok because I can get easily attached to people."

I walk over to the bed and stared down at her. "I also get jealous when you help L with cases."

Her eyes widened at this. "You were jealous? Why?"

I felt my face redden, but I knew she couldn't see it in my darkly lit room. Instead I grabbed her by the hair and pulled her centimeters from my face. She gasped and then smiled up at me, just like always. "Go to sleep, we can talk about it in the morning."

* * *

Ok so as you can probably guess, shit is starting to hit the fan. L and B both have feelings for A. A knows she has feelings for B but i'm not sure if i'd call them romantic ones yet. Just to clarify A and B are not a couple. they are just agreeing to become... i guess partners is the best word for it... because they both know they need each other to deal with their tendancies. More things to come: cases with L and A. Shenanigans with B and A, and some fun times with Matt. i hope you like the chapter! XD


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own death note.**

**Mail's POV**

Everything seems to have changed ever since Amalya had that seizure. Watari, Roger, and all of my teachers keep watching me. They are worried that I might crack under pressure and get anxiety attacks like she does. It may be a legitimate reason but I still don't like it. It freaks me out. I want to shrink into the background, not stand out in a crowd._ Life is hard for the socially awkward._

I haven't seen Amalya for about 4 days now; she's supposedly locked in her room working on some project. I don't know what it is, but I'm excited to see it. Apparently last time she did this she made an EMP! For those of you who don't know what that is, EMP stands for electromagnetic pulse. An EMP can cause voltage surges and wipe out all electronic devices within the area.

I don't know about you, but I think that is the coolest thing ever! _I really hope that one day I'll be as good as Amalya is at computers. It's definitely more important to me than becoming number one. Being number one is too much pressure. I think 'Matt, the great successor of A' sounds a lot better than being 'the great successor of L.' _Unfortunately to do that I will need a computer, and Whammies doesn't give you a computer until you're in the upper-classmen level. If you're in the junior level and you need a computer, you have to go to the computer labs.

One of the times that I had visited Amalya late at night I asked her if she could teach me about computers. She smiled really big and ran around her room searching for books. The first was _Build a Computer from Scratch_ by Jeff Heaton and the second was _How to Build a Computer: Building your own PC by _B. N. Bennoach.

She handed them to me and told me to read them on my own time, and to let her know when I had finished. At first I was reluctant to take them from her because I wasn't interested in the computer's interfacing. I just wanted to learn binary code.

I asked her about binary after I took the books from her. She smiled and said: "Don't get ahead of yourself Mail. You can't expect to be able to fully control a computer unless you know its structure. Besides you are going to need to understand the structure in order to get your own computer."

I had perked up at this. I wanted my own computer so badly, if reading this can get me a computer then I'll definitely do it. "So basically what you're saying is, I'm going to build my own computer?"

"Yes, that's how I was allowed to keep it while in the junior level. Watari has always encouraged us to work on our own projects of interest. He'll be elated to know that your doing your own independent study."

So that is the other reason why I haven't seen my sister in a few days. I wanted to spend all my free time reading and learning from those books. Mello was a bit skeptical when he saw me reading a book in our dorm instead of playing video games. When he questioned it, I told him "Amy gave it to me" and then he dropped the subject completely.

Recently Mello has been on edge, though this is because the quarterly placement exam is coming up. I don't see the point of stressing out over it. If you already have a high knowledge of something, re-cramming the information doesn't do much good. How much better can you really do?

Mello believes that if he doesn't cram before every test he will, somehow, forget all the information that he had learned and fail. This however is bullshit. Mello couldn't fail if he tried. I told him that yesterday, but all he did was grunt and then returned to his hamlet notes. Don't get me wrong, its good to look over old notes; its just not healthy the way Mello does it.

In the past few days he has barely slept, the only thing that has been keeping him awake is the caffeine and sugar from all the chocolate he eats. And Mello eats A LOT of chocolate; I'm surprised that he hasn't developed Type Two Diabetes. He doesn't even have any cavities!

Honestly I don't intend on studying. I'm almost done with both of the books Amalya gave me, plus I just got assassins creed: brotherhood in the mail; and it's going to be taking up a lot of my time. I have a photogenic memory, so studying is pretty much pointless. I just want the exam to be over with, so that way all the tension can go away.

**Mello's POV**

_I need to study; Matt is only a few points below me. He could try to take my place as number one of the junior class. I need to become like L! I cannot let him surpass me, if he does, I wont be able to forgive myself. _

_ He keeps trying to get me to eat regular food or to go to sleep; he says that I'm worrying him. I really doubt that. No one at whammies truly cares about each other, not when we are pit against each other like this. The perfect example of it is L and B, or even better A and K…_

I looked over at Matt he's almost done with his second book, he's even taking notes! I have absolutely never seen him do that. Not even in class. It's weird to see him studying so intently. I knew he was into electronics, but I guess I never realized how much. Watching him study computers this intensely shows me that he could surpass me intellectually if he wanted to. I can't let that happen. That's why I need to study.

"Hey Mello, why do you study so much?"

I looked up and noticed that Matt had finished his book. He was now setting up his XBOX to our TV. I rolled my eyes and picked up my math textbook. "I already told you, I study this hard because I need to be the best."

The game's theme music began to play and I sighed. In the beginning it was very distracting, but now I'm used to studying and sleeping while it's playing. However it's not something that I am proud of. We went on like that for about an hour, until there was a knock at the door. "The door is open!"

A and B walked in and greeted us. A tossed one of the bags she was carrying at me. I caught it just before it hit my head and glared at her, until I saw what was in it. She had bought me green and black's dark chocolate. "Thank you A."

She smiled and said "I remember how you got before last quarterly so I figured I'd bring you something."

B looked around our room with a bored expression on his face. He was carrying what seemed to be a very heavy box. _I wonder how A got him to carry that for her?_

Matt didn't look away from his game when he told her he finished the books. But that quickly changed when B tossed the box in front of the TV. He cursed a few times under his breath before taking a jam jar from one of A's other bags and left the room.

Matt peered in the box and gave her a confused look. "What's with him? And what's all this for?"

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "Don't worry about him; he's just a bit moody because I didn't give him the jam I bought him right away. Also, the stuff in the box is so you can make a computer. Don't break any of the pieces because I made them myself and I wont make you anymore. If you mess up you need to figure it out on your own okay?"

He ran over to her and pulled her into a tight hug "Thanks Amy, you're the best sister ever!"

She hugged him back and smiled. As much as Matt annoys the shit out of me I am glad that he's here. He makes A happy, or at least happier than I've ever seen her. I smiled because A was my only friend here, or at least, she's the only one who cares about my well being. So for her I'll tolerate Matt, and MAYBE try to be friends with him.

* * *

I'm sorry it took longer to update. i've been busy with school and such. this chapter was a bit of a filler but at the same time it works as character development for matt and mello so you can decide how you fee about it. Hope you liked it =)


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own death note.**

**A's POV**

Tonight's the night that my mom is supposed to contact us. I can't believe a month has passed, so much has happened within the last two weeks alone. If my mom doesn't contact me, I am to assume she has died and decide if it's safe to remain at Whammies. I believe it is, but there is a possibility that Ryan didn't fall for our trick and is trying to hunt me down. If he found Mail's through me I'd never forgive myself.

I really hope she contacts me. But that wont happen until a few hours from now. For now I need to focus on my vector analysis homework. This is the first time I've ever had a problem with math. It bugs me. I tried to get B to come to the library with me but he said that I needed to suffer with this alone.

Which really means that I have to learn it by myself so I shouldn't ask him for help. I know he's right but that doesn't make me feel any better. _He probably said no because he enjoys my internal suffering._

My cheeks became warm after that thought and I shook my head. I needed to focus on math not on B. After about ten minutes of studying the most annoying person in the world interrupted me.

K gave me a sickly sweet smile as she called my name. I held back my urge to puke and I tried to ignore her. Instead she sat down beside me and took my textbook. I glared at her and told her to give my book back.

She shook her head and smirked. "Not until I talk with you, I wouldn't want to be distracted during our conversation after all."

I rolled my eyes at her and sighed. "What do you want?"

"What's it like working for L?"

She would ask me that. K has had this messed up crush on L for a couple of years now. He's told her he wasn't interested but she still hasn't gotten the hint. She thinks that if she can rank higher than B and I then L will notice her. Honestly it's pathetic. "First off, I work with L; not for L. Secondly, if the only reason you want to talk to me is because of L then you should just leave. I'm not going to tell you anything."

Her grin turned into a frown. "I don't know why he chose to work with you. I mean, how can you work with some one who's constantly having seizures. If you ask me Watari should send you should be in a mental institution."

"Only if you get to be my padded cell-mate."

She threw the book across the room and stormed out of the library. I sighed and gathered up my stuff, because I no longer felt motivated enough to study. I walked down the hall to B's room and knocked on the door.

He answered the door with Strawberry jam smeared all over his face and hands. I smiled and pushed past him so I could fall onto his bed. He sat beside me and licked his fingers before saying, "I thought you were doing your vector analysis work."

I rolled over on my side s that was facing him and said, "I was until K interrupted me. That girl is so weird, I don't understand what makes her so obsessed."

B shrugged and began combing through my hair with his fingers. They were a little sticky but I didn't mind because it unconsciously made him tug harder. I smirked him because he had missed some of the jam than was on his face. "Hey B?"

"Hmm."

"You have jam on your face."

He titled his head and gave me a confused look. "Where?"

"There." I wiped up the jam with my index finger and then sucked it off. B's eyes grew wide and then he made an expression that I never saw him make before. _Is he mad at me for eating some of his jam?_

Before I could say anything he formed a fist around my hair and slammed my head into the wall. I felt myself moan as I tried to refocus my vision. B's face was dangerously close to mine as he searched my eyes for something. "Wa-What's wrong B?"

He slowly let go of me and looked off to the side. "Nothing, never mind."

I sighed and pulled my knees into my chest. _He's been acting so strange lately. I thought that all the tension would go away once he learned that he could never truly cause me pain but I was wrong. It has only gotten worse. I don't get it, is it me? Did I do something wrong? He never used to be this distant before._

"What's wrong with you lately?"

He glared, "Nothing's wrong with me. I just didn't expect you to do something like that. I told you I that there are times when I can't control my actions. If you can't handle that than leave."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Do you really want me to leave?"

He paused for a moment, as if he needed time to think about the question. Then he quietly said, "No, I don't want you to leave."

I smiled and nuzzled into his body. He stiffened slightly before he wrapped his arms around me and ran his fingertips down my spine. "Hey B, tell me a secret."

He stiffened again for a second before continuing what he was doing. "What kind of secret?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, anything."

He didn't say anything for a long time. I thought he wasn't going to answer until I heard him softly say "Beyond. My name is Beyond Birthday."

I shot out of his arms and stared at him wide eyed. I couldn't believe he actually told me his name. That was the biggest taboo at Whammies. "Are you sure you're ok with me knowing that?"

He paused before nodding once and with expectant eyes he said, "A, what's your real name?"

I felt anxiety and excitement pool into my stomach. Telling him my name would mean completely exposing myself to him. It's not like how I am with Mail. We had already known each other's names so it felt more natural to call ourselves by our real names.

Telling B my name would mean something more intimate. The idea was new, exciting, and dangerous. He knew that, and yet he still told me his name. _This means can mean two things. He could just not care about the social norms here at Whammies; this is very possible, or his feelings for me are stronger than I thought. If so this is a test to see if I feel the same._

I felt blood rush to my cheeks and looked away from him. I didn't have the courage to look him n the eyes and say my name. No matter how exciting it was my anxiety became the dominant emotion. After a few moments I whispered, "Amalya Jeevas."

He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. His eyes fiercely searched mine, searching for answers that I can only guess. "Amalya Jeevas, you have a beautiful name."

I felt myself blush harder, so I hid my face in his shoulder. He's the only guy that can get me flustered like this. I wish he didn't make me feel this way, because it's really not helping the whole tension thing.

**Later That Night**

_Dear Amalya and Mail,_

_ All went well, I am safe. I need you to stay where you are for the time being. It's best if we stay separated for now. Please don't try to find me; I will seek you out when the time is right. My next assignment is very dangerous and I don't want you and to get wrapped up in it. I love you both and I hope to see you soon._

_ Love Always,_

_ Rachel Jeevas_

_

* * *

_Ok so here enters K. You will be seeing more of her later, whether you like her or not. I chose not to show A and Matt's reactions to the email. This will be revealed later, I promise I have my reasons. Finally the A and B romance, once again they aren't together yet, but I'm pretty sure it obvious that they both like each other. L is going to return, there might be awkwardness, i'm not sure yet. I hope you liked the chapter!


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